I'm gonna have a badass scar
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
