Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
