were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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