I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
