The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The air was thick with penises
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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