hotel room ftw
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
