I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
