Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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