there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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