Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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