i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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