Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He passed out mid-signature
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
