I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
