I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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