oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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