My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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