What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
