My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
