meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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