Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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