Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
