i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
