He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
