I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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