I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
