Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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