last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The ass gains better be worth it
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