Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
