Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
