I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
