why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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