if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
