you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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