i think my tv is drunk
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
