I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
