yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
