You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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