hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
