i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
