I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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