she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
