You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
