well you can't waste a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
