I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
