With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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