she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
