So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i love accidental penises.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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