so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
