peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
