omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
