i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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